The Process By. Virginia Peirce

I’m not sure what I think about relationships any longer. After I left my husband and began the divorce proceedings I could see he was going to make this divorce extremely hard on me if he could, and he did and is because he has the money to do it. It is unbelievable how people change when you are not with them any longer. I should have known what was going to happen when I left because the way he treated me before I left and the way he talk so negatively about one of his ex wives so badly. People usually tell on their selves as they talk, you just need to listen carefully. My “almost” ex showed me who he was in the beginning of our relationship. The red flags were waving in the air extremely frantically, but I did not listen to the warning signs.

There is no body I can blame but my self for not listening to that “still small voice” inside of my heart. The lesson learned was a hard lesson. The important thing is that I absolutely learned from this experience.

Why do we not pay attention to “red flags” in a marriage or a relationship? Why do women (and I’m sure men too but I’m discussing women because I am a woman) at times think that the man they are with is “god” or “knows all”? I have racked my brain over this for months. Apparently I have a self esteem that is null and void, or I would not have allowed someone to treat me in the way my husband did.

As I was searching the internet for this big question of why women allow men to treat them badly I came across this article “Why Smart Women Let Men Treat Them Badly” written by “Christine Arylo “ In this article Ms Arvlo shows she has a lot of wisdom in this area. With a MBA on her sleeve, she still allowed a man to treat her badly. I'm getting my Masters degree right now and have a Bachelor degree in of all things, Psychology and Sociology. It seems as though I would not have allowed it but I did.

Ms. Arvlo explains that having “self love” is imperative before even considering a relationship. Arvlo states, “Self-Love Promises:· I honor myself.· I never settle for less than my heart and soul desire.· All of my relationships support me to be my best me and to live my dreams, or I don’t have them.I give unconditional love and respect, and I expect it in return”.

Let us see, what is “self-Love”? Well, we need to go backward a bit and see how God loves us, so that we are able to love ourselves the way God loves us. Anything less is saying that we do not believe that God loves us!

We need to allow the word of God to change and mold our thinking and actions by reading His word. God loves us so much that he gave. So does this mean we give everything we have to our spouse? Of course not! This is what I did and now I do not have a home and I do have a purse full of unpaid bills.

I think an individual needs to ask their selves these questions that Ms. Arvlo has showed. Do I honor myself in this relationship I am in, and does my spouse honor me? If this is a no do not go any further in the relationship because he will not change. You cannot count on thinking someone will change in time. You have to love them the way they are or get out. If you do not RUN now there will be horrific consequences! Well, how do we honor ourselves?

Honor means, in the online “Merriam-Webster” dictionary honor means respect that is given to someone who is admired; good reputation: good quality or character as judged by other people, and high moral standards of behavior”. Before a spouse or boyfriend or even just a friend can honor us, we definitely need to learn how to honor ourselves. Setting those boundaries, making sure people do not step over these boundaries is loving ourselves. Learn to say no, not in a negative or harsh way. Learn to say no in love, be love with God’s help of His Holy Spirit who helps us in times of trouble. We need to ask for this help before we get into a situation that is extremely hard to get out. So, staying in the word of God and prayer on a daily basis is step one. Be thankful for EVERYTHING you have.

There are times I am so down that I cannot thank God for anything but my warm bed and pillow. But God says to be thankful for ALL things. “1 Thessalonians 5:18 New International Version (NIV)18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus”. This I believe, to be thankful in every circumstance. I do not think a woman or man should stay in an abusive relationship though. Even Joseph in the Old Testament did not stay as a slave after his master (an Egyptian who was one of Pharaoh’s officials, the captain of the guard, bought him from the Ishmaelite’s who had taken him there”.) began to abuse him.

God does not want us to be in abusive situation whether it be marriage or just a relationship. You can read more about Joseph in Genesis Chapters 37-50. I would study this if you are in an abusive relationship over and over to get it down into your heart that God would not want you to be in an abusive relationship. More to come

#photo